When You Get Offended

There are few things in life as certain as this one thing – you will be offended. As sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, an offence is coming your way. Jesus said that’s it’s impossible for it not to happen. It’s a certainty, it’s guaranteed. You will be offended and you will be an offender.  Since we know that it’s going to happen we need to know how to handle it when it comes.  Dr. Ralph Earle, a New Testament scholar, says that this word ‘offence’ found here and in other places has two shades of meaning.

1. Skandalon (from where we get scandal/scandalise from) first meant, ‘The bait-stick in a snare or the trigger on a trap’ Then it came to be used as the trap or snare itself. So it literally means to entrap or ensnare.  2. To cause to stumble or to cause to sin.  1 Peter 2:8 Peter says those who refuse Jesus as the Chief-Corner Stone stumble over Him, He becomes to them ‘a stumbling stone or a rock of offence!’  So we could say, “An offence is something designed to trap or ensnare you and which will, if you don’t handle it properly, cause you to stumble and sin.”  Things happen to us that offend us. We get scandalised, shocked, greatly disappointed, our feelings are hurt. We can hardly believe that they said that, she thought that or He did that! Satan’s snare is set. You are about to fall into a trap, you’re about to stumble and perhaps even sin because of it. 

Offences come in many forms. By word or by deed. Real or imaginary.  Intentional or unintentional. It may be an act of unkindness or thoughtlessness. It may be a snub, an oversight, a deliberate insult, a rebuke (warranted or not) It can happen at work, at home, at church.         It can happen through those who are your enemies or perhaps those who are your closest friends.  Have you ever been offended? Felt hurt, felt used, abused, alienated, forgotten, lied about, told off, corrected, misunderstood or blamed in the wrong? How did you feel? Angry, sad, unforgiving, unloved and unwanted? Chances are you were offended and maybe didn’t even recognise it.

Here are some tell-tale signs that people are offended. They often become withdrawn and isolated. They retreat into a world of self-pity and self-justification. They build walls of defence and fences to guard their fragile feelings. Proverbs 18:19 “A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle.” Offended people often feel threatened, jealous, and vulnerable. Sometimes in their feelings of self-justification they become hostile, unreasonable, difficult, and proud.  Hebrews 12:14-15 “Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.” Root here is riszo  The root of a tree. Something that becomes deeply embedded in your soul.  Bitterness here is pikria  An inward attitude that shows on your face. Did you ever experience reflux? It’s that sour bile that comes up from your stomach into your gullet. It’s sour and bitter and makes you screw your face up. Let us not allow offences to sour our relationship with God or anyone else. Ask God to give you the grace to forgive the offender. 

- Pastor David Goudy